Okay so about those shirts (my shirts complaints finally)

Okay so literally walking the dog right now and my group chat just asked about those shirts. You know the ones… The Facebook ad that followed me around for like two weeks straight showing some guy crumpling a shirt in his fist and then shaking it out perfectly. I Last thing— caved. And I have Thoughts. Mostly complaints. Hence the chat name “my shirts complaints” which honestly is fitting at this point. brb Charlie is trying to eat a stick the size of my arm. okay I’m back. Where was I?

Why I even looked into this (the Facebook ad got me)

Big mistake. Huge.

The ad was so smooth though. The guy was packing for a trip, shoved the shirt in a suitcase, pulled it out and it was perfect. I thought maybe this is the solution to my “I have a video call in 10 minutes and my shirt looks like a used napkin” problem. So I clicked buy.

The algorithm knew I was weak

It knew I had just spilled coffee on my good blouse. It knew I was tired of looking like a scrunched-up mess for afternoon meetings. It was predatory honestly. But I fell for it hook line and sinker.

What surprised me after a week (nothing good)

They arrived in a sleek box. Very promising. I pulled one out and it felt… fine. Not amazing. Not terrible. Just fine. The fabric had this weird slickness to it that I couldn’t quite place. Like a raincoat but quieter. I put it on for a zoom call and thought okay maybe this is okay.

Then I washed it.

I dunno if that anti-wrinkle stuff actually works or if I just got lucky the first time. Maybe you’re supposed to hang dry them in the dark while whispering affirmations. I threw them in the dryer like a normal person and came back to a shirt that looked like it had been through a war. The collar was rolling up. The buttons looked sad. I was so mad.

One trap you should avoid (the dryer incident)

The noise thing nobody mentions (the fabric is LOUD)

Okay so when you move in these shirts they make a sound. It’s subtle but if you’re on a microphone it picks up. I had a call where I was gesturing about something and my coworker asked if I was wearing a trash bag. That was the moment I knew I had made a mistake. The swishing is real and it is not cute.

Also what are we doing for dinner? I’m thinking tacos but that might be too ambitious for a Tuesday. Okay back to the rant.

The part that actually matters (the collar and buttons ugh)

Month two. I reach into the closet and grab one of these shirts. I’m already feeling annoyed because I have to iron it anyway which defeats the whole purpose right? I put it on and notice a button is loose. Whatever I think. I’ll fix it later. I wear it for maybe three hours and the button just falls off. Falls off. While I was sitting at my desk. I found it on the floor next to the dog bowl.

And the collar. The collar rolls up no matter what you do. I’ve tried ironing it. I’ve tried starch. I’ve tried yelling at it. Nothing works. It just curls inward like it’s trying to protect itself from the world. Which honestly same but not a good look on a shirt.

• The buttons seem made of compressed sawdust
• The collar rolls up like a scroll
• The fabric makes swishing noises
• They still wrinkle?? Hello?? The ad lied

Who probably doesn’t need this (honestly me)

I work from home. I wear hoodies 90% of the time. Why did I buy five of these? In my defense the ad made them look so good. But in reality I should have just bought the cheap ones from the department store that hold up better in the wash. Those ones don’t swish. Those ones don’t have crumbling buttons.

Did I even need wrinkle-free shirts? I don’t know. I thought I wanted to be the kind of person who keeps a nice shirt on hand for quick errands. But I’m not that person. I’m the person who wears a stained hoodie and calls it a day. And that’s okay.

What I’d tell my neighbor (if we actually talked)

If my neighbor came up to me while I was getting the mail and asked about these exact shirts I would say save your money. Just go to the regular store and get something that doesn’t require a PhD in laundry science. Or just wear a hoodie. Trust me. The hoodie is where it’s at.

So yeah, Anyway Charlie is pulling the leash again so I have to go. Hope this helps someone out there avoid my mistakes. And if you already bought them and the buttons are falling off I see you. We’re in this together. Maybe tacos tonight. We’ll see.